Kolkatans - Who Are These People?

This post was inspired by Chirag's post on Indians...I'm a Bengali although not a Kolkatan and I've always found 'my people' a bit quirky...Here are some observations:

1. We all know that Bengalis are obsessed with food...What we may not know is that this obsession has reached such a point that nearly half their income is spent on fish, chicken and vegetables...As a result, there's no money left to paint the facade of their houses which adds to the shabbiness of Kolkata...When asked, many Kolkatans say, "Who cares about aesthetics...Anyway, old shabby houses add to the character of the city"
2. According to Bengalis, there are only three kinds Indians - Bengalis/Oriyas, Hindustanis (North Indians) and Madrasis (South Indians)
3. Someone should tell Bengali Kolkatans not to speak in Hindi with Bihari and Sikh taxiwallahs...Bengalis will never get the hang of the language no matter how much they try
4. Bengalis for some reason pronounce 'would'/'wood' as 'ood' (the 'w' is silent)...Even the ones who have attended St.Xaviers College, Kolkata
5. Bengali babus always eat fish curry-rice before leaving for work...Their work day starts at 11 am and ends promptly at 5 pm with a one hour lunch break in the middle...No wonder nothing gets done in Kolkata
6. The typical Bengali man always does the vegetable and fish/chicken/mutton shopping...This job is rarely entrusted to a woman or a servant...It is common to see unbathed men with uncombed hair in crushed pajama-kurtas at vegetable and fish shops haggling with vendors early in the morning...Bengalis haven't adapted to the fridge very well as yet...They still feel that all food items should to be bought fresh everyday including butter
7. Women from Bengal love wearing their sarees six inches above their ankles so that they don't get dirty
8. Bengali women are dominant and Bengali men are wimps...If you don't believe me, watch Parineeta and Devdas...Devdas, who drank himself to death because his mother forbade him to marry his true love, is idolised by Bengalis...For them, he's the epitome of a true lover...The same is true of Shekhar the hero of Parineeta...Although he does marry his love, he doesn't have the guts to make it public...There are many other stories like these in Bengali literature
9. Children especially girls have to learn singing preferably Rabindro Sangeet
10. Never take decorating tips from Bengali women...They have a fetish for doilies and stuffed animals and love decorating their homes with these items...Some even go to the extent of covering their dressing table mirrors with a lace sheet
11. Bengalis have a fixation for white foreigners (sada chamra)...Blacks are looked down upon except for Barack Obama
12. Bongs in Kolkata don't have a social life...Kids spend all their free time studying for the Nobel Prize or practicing to be the next Maharaja of Kolkata...Adults spend their time discussing phootball, rabindro sangeet and CPM/Mamatadidi over cups and cups of tea
13. When Bengalis go out to eat, they will necessarily order a chicken dish...The problem arises when the chicken dish arrives...If all the pieces are not thangs (legs) they start fuming and arguing with the waiter...Why? Their reasoning is: if we order two plates of chicken, we expect 2 legs per plate...They can't seem to understand that a chicken doesn't have only legs
14. Beware of the Bengali interior decorator/architect...He/She will insist on putting a wash basin in the dining area

Bengalis and Sweaters

One phrase every Bengali worth his sweater has grown up with is thanda lege jabey. It is the ultimate warning of impending doom, an unadulterated form of existentialist advice. Thanda lege jabey. Thou shalt 'catch the cold'.

'Catching the cold' comes easy to Bengalis. It's a skill that's acquired almost immediately after birth. Watch a Bengali baby and you would know. Wrapped in layers of warm clothing even if the sun is boiling the mercury, the baby learns quickly that his chances of survival in a Bengali household depends on how tightly he can wrap himself in cotton, linen and wool.

Bengalis have almost romanticised warm clothing, so much so that Bengali art has found eloquent expression in a form of quilt-stitchwork called kantha. I'm sure wool-shearers even in faraway Australia say a silent prayer to Bengalis before the shearing season (if there's any such season). I'm also sure the very thought of Bengalis sends a chill down the spine of many a sheep.

In winter, the quintessential Bengali's outfit puts the polar bear to shame. Packaged in at least seven layers of clothing and the head snugly packed inside the queerest headgear, the monkey cap, he takes the chill head on. Easy lies the head that wears the monkey cap. With a pom-pom at the top, it's not just a fashion statement; it's a complete fashion paragraph.

I remember strolling down the Walk of Fame in Hollywood on a pleasant May evening. My eyes scanned the glittering stars on the asphalt - each an ode to a Hollywood heavyweight. Suddenly, my ears caught the unmistakable Doomsday warning - 'thanda lege jabey'. I stood transfixed. The Hollywood Walk of Fame is probably the last place one would like to get caught 'catching the cold'. I turned around. There was this Bengali family braving the American chill. The young brat of the family was adamant that he didn't want any more clothing but mom wouldn't have any of it - "sweater porey nao, thanda lege jabey." I need not translate that. Mom won, and the family - sweaters et al - posed for a photograph.

For a race that is perpetually running scared of cold weather, Bengalis have a surprising affinity for hill stations. Probably, warmth of heart is best preserved in shawls, pullovers and cardigans. In an age when you are judged by how cool or uncool you are, the warmth that the kakus, jethus and mashimas exude can melt icebergs. I wouldn't trade that warmth for any amount of cool. However, the monkeycap may look cool without the pom-pom.

(This was forwarded to me by e-mail...The author is Subir Ghosh and the article first appeared in the Hindustan Times in 2005...I am a Bengali and I totally agree with his take...If you want to know more about Bengalis, please read http://ramblingsbybones.blogspot.com/2008/09/bengali-imagery.html)

Proud to be a Bengali

A chat with Bengali starlet and serial store ribbon cutter Raima Sen…

Interviewer: Raima, you have a movie coming out called The Japanese Wife directed by Aparna Sen…What was it like playing a widow with a 8 year old son?

Raima: It was very challenging… The difficult part was the body language…Aparna wanted me to look like a widow who is used to doing housework and very graceful in her movements… Since my family is privileged (for those of you who don’t know, her father is a member??? of the Tripura royal family and her mother is Moon Moon Sen), I’ve never lifted a finger at home…Hearing this, Aparna sent me for a workshop…During this 15-day workshop, I learnt how to cook, clean, swab the floor, make the bed, light a lantern and cut vegetables on a boti…There is a certain rhythm even to swabbing the floor…It was all very interesting!

Interviewer: Why don’t we see you more often on screen? Why do we see you more on Page 3 inaugurating stores and dancing at weddings?

Raima: I want to have a long career…I don’t want to get burnt out doing unnecessary films, like small, commercial films…I want to create a mark…In Mumbai there’s too much pressure…Girls are very replaceable; men are not…It’s important to create your own identity…The producer should say ‘I want only her for the film and she is not replaceable’…Because of my choosiness I have a lot of free time and I utilize this time by helping friends with their business ventures (stores) and weddings…

Interviewer: How is Moon Moon Sen as a mother? What was your upbringing like?

Raima: We’ve had a very modern upbringing…We didn’t do pujas at home…We speak in English at home, not Bengali. Most of my friends have been Anglo-Indians…

(The portions of the interview in bold and italics are from an interview given to the Deccan Herald)

A Bengali Dining Experience

Location: A restaurant in Delhi where I’m dining with my husband

SFX: CLING!!! CLANG!!! CLING!!! CLANG!!!
I look back to see who was making so much noise with a fork and knife…
Me to my husband: Oof! That guy is a total ganwar...I bet he's a Bong...
The diner calls the waiter: Boy! Boy!
The waiter arrives and asks: Yes sir?
Diner: I ordered 2 plates of chicken curry…Why have you given me only 2 thanghs (legs)?
Waiter: Sir, 2 plates of chicken curry doesn’t mean 2 whole chickens…
Diner interrupting: When I order 2 plates, I want 4 thanghs…
Me to my husband: Let's get out of here quickly and please don't say another word in Bengali - ONLY ENGLISH!!!

Non-Cliched Bengali Imagery

I am a Bengali and I think its high time people got out of the mishti doi-rosogolla-adda-Tagore imagery when talking about us...There is more to a Bengali than just that...

Did you know that Bengalis love decorating? No, I’m sure you didn’t...They have a penchant for beautifying their homes with doilies and cheap stuffed animals...If you don’t believe me, just watch a couple of episodes of Rojker Ginni on Etv Bangla...Some of them even go to the extent of covering their mirrors with lace sheets...The other very common decorating idea is having a sink right next to the dining table...Why make the effort of walking to the bathroom after a satiating meal of chingri maacher maalai kari and aaloo-posto when you can wash your hands right where you eat?

You can spot a saree-clad Bengali woman from a mile away...How? Because she always wears her saree six inches above her ankles. Despite her attire, she oozes confidence and is a go-getter...She is Maa Durga - Shakti.

Then there is the Bengali man...Like the Bengali woman, you can spot him from a distance...If you catch a glimpse of a not-so-tall man covering his mustachioed face with a monkey cap in twenty-degree weather, you know he is a Bhadrolok. Despite his moustache and intellect (some of it over estimated because he feels that since Tagore, Teresa and Sen received Nobels, he too has indirectly received them), he suffers from the ‘doormat syndrome’...He has grown up with a ‘Maa’ fixation and is totally under her thumb...Then when he gets married he is trodden on by his Maa Durga like wife in her six-inch above the ankle saree...Why is this so? Well, a Bengali man has no physically strong, sword wielding, domineering man as a role model...Can you think of any famous Bengali warriors? No, because there are non...In fact, Bengal doesn’t even have a warrior caste like the North Indians do... We are instead bhaktas of Maa Durga and Maa Kaali – women...

I can’t end this post without mentioning the Bengali wanderlust (yes, you read it right...It is WANDERLUST)…I’m sure all of you at some point of time have come across busloads/trainloads/planeloads of screeching Bengali men, women and children with suitcases/hold alls full of snacks and food shouting "Ei Shunchis…” and “Ei dekhli…” It’s a fact that Bengalis have a compulsive love for travel and adventure and go for at least one annual family holiday (mostly during Durga Puja)…They make up 60 percent of India’s domestic tourist traffic…

I hope I have given you enough new material to create a new imagery for Bengalis…All the best!!!