Hell Explained By A Chemistry Student

The following was forwarded to me by e-mail...I found it very interesting and entertaining...I hope you do too...

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

Funny Signs & Pictures

(FYI:These photographs are from e-mails that were forwarded to me...None were taken by me...)

Sarah Palin’s interview with Katie Couric- Part 2

Copyright © 2008 Creators Syndicate

Katie Couric (KC): Gov. Palin, how do you keep yourself updated on current affairs?

Sarah Palin (SP): I read newspapers and magazines regularly…In fact I read two newspapers a day…

KC: Which ones?

SP: You know the regular ones…

KC: Can you name them?

SP: Katie, I told you I read…I just can’t remember the names at the moment…You know Alaska is not in Africa – we are a part of America…We get all the newspapers and magazines you get here in New York…Can we move on, please?

KC: Do you remember the names of books you have read?

SP: The Alaskan Christian Evangelical Bible comes to mind at the moment...

KC: Gov. Palin, I’ve read that when you were the Mayor of Wasilla you wanted some books removed from the town library…Why?

SP: Please note that I did not have any books removed…I merely tried…Katie, you must realize that some books like the Harry Potter series, most of Shakespeare, Lady Chatterley’s Lover, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and A Clockwork Orange are not meant to be read – they are morally bankrupt and un-Christian…

KC: Aren’t morals personal? Shouldn’t people be allowed to make up their own minds?

SP: Absolutely not…There is only one set of morals that is acceptable and that is the Christian Evangelical one…

KC: I heard that you were also trying to ban health books and magazines…Why go after these?

SP: I don't want children and young adults to be exposed to such books and magazines…They are nothing but porn…They poison young minds…They talk about sex and sexuality, pregnancy, abortion etc. …Do you know Katie, these books even have pictures of nude men and women?

KC: But these books are educational…Don’t you think if your 17 year old daughter Bristol had read Our Bodies, Ourselves by Boston Women's Health Book Collective, she would not be having a shotgun wedding?

Sarah Palin's interview with Katie Couric - Part 1

Cagle Cartoons


Katie Couric (KC): Gov. Palin, I’ve read that you believe in American Christian Creationism?

Sarah Palin (SP): Creationism is not a theory, it’s the truth…God clearly mentions it in the bible…

KC: So you believe that the Earth is less than 7000 years old…In that case dinosaurs and humans must have walked the Earth at the same time…

SP: Absolutely…I’ve seen pictures of dinosaur fossils with human footprints in them…

KC: Where have you seen these pictures? I would like to see them too…

SP: Oh, I don’t remember…I read so many books, newspapers and magazines…

KC: Since you claim to be an expert on energy, where do you think oil and coal came from?

SP: The Great Flood 4400 years ago laid down all the layers of sediment at once...That's how we got oil and coal...

KC: OK…You could potentially have your hand on the nuclear button…Do you believe in the Doomsday Scenario when the Messiah will come?

SP: Yes, I’m absolutely positive I’ll see Jesus come back to Earth in my lifetime… “End times” which precedes the end of the world was confirmed in 1948 with the founding of the state of Israel…It marked the Jews' return to the Holy Land, fulfilling a Biblical prophecy…I believe that by tapping into Alaska's natural resources we will help fulfill the state's destiny as the refuge for Christians when the world comes to an end...

KC: If the world comes to an end, won't Alaska also be doomed?

SP: No, only Alaska and white believers will survive...

KC: What are your views on the current war against Iraq?

SP: It is all a part of God’s plan…He put George W. Bush in office so that he could start the “holy war” against Muslim terrorists…It’s a war of Gods… Anybody who criticizes the war and Bush will burn in hell…

Sarah Palin is at it again

Copyright © 2008 Creators Syndicate

Location: Briefing room of the Republican campaign headquarters

John McCain (JM): Sarah dear, you’ve done it again…I thought I told you not to open your mouth…Why did you have to highlight Sen. Obama’s meeting with Bill Ayers 15 years ago? Your comments have made us look like racists…
Sarah Palin (SP): But I told the truth, John…Sen. Barack Hussein Osama and Bill Ayers live in the same Chicago neighbourhood and they both were on the board of a charitable organization …The former is a black Muslim and is related to Osama…The latter is a terrorist who bombed the Capitol…As we all know in the great state of Alaska, terrorists are all Arab Muslims…By associating with Ayers, Sen. Obama is condoning Islamic terrorism…He is therefore an anti-American Arab Muslim terrorist himself… What’s wrong in calling a spade a spade?
JM: That’s just it Sarah…While it is true that Bill Ayers is an unrepentant terrorist and a menace to society, he also happens to be white born and brought up in the US…So were most of his "Weather Underground" colleagues… He has no connection to anything that would be considered "black", “Arab” or “Islamic”, let alone "stereotypically black, Arab or Islamic"…You have once again succeeded in making us look like ignorant fools…
SP: Uh, Uh

Sarah Palin in New York

Copyright © 2008 Creators Syndicate

Location: Briefing room of the Republican campaign headquarters one day before Sarah Palin’s meeting with Karzai, Manmohan Singh and Asif Zardari in New York, September 2008

John McCain (JM): Sarah dear, you have very important meetings coming up tomorrow…Have you ever met a head of state before?
Sarah Palin (SP): Of course, I’m the head of the great state of Alaska…
JM: Yes, yes…What I meant was that you don’t have any foreign policy experience…
SP: I do…On a clear Alaskan morning, I can see Russia from my bedroom window and Canada from my living room window…I've also signed bills concerning the Aleuts...Oh, I nearly forgot to mention the numerous parties I've hosted for hockey players some of who are foreign...
JM: We think these meetings will be great for the campaign…Just make sure you look good, don’t open your mouth and are photographed shaking hands…
SP: But why can’t I speak? After all I am going to be the next VP…
JM: That’s the point… A lot of our voter base is clueless and/or stupid, and these photographs will not only make you look good but also seem ‘worldly’…That’s the whole point of this exercise…
SP: Uh, Uh

A Bengali Dining Experience

Location: A restaurant in Delhi where I’m dining with my husband

SFX: CLING!!! CLANG!!! CLING!!! CLANG!!!
I look back to see who was making so much noise with a fork and knife…
Me to my husband: Oof! That guy is a total ganwar...I bet he's a Bong...
The diner calls the waiter: Boy! Boy!
The waiter arrives and asks: Yes sir?
Diner: I ordered 2 plates of chicken curry…Why have you given me only 2 thanghs (legs)?
Waiter: Sir, 2 plates of chicken curry doesn’t mean 2 whole chickens…
Diner interrupting: When I order 2 plates, I want 4 thanghs…
Me to my husband: Let's get out of here quickly and please don't say another word in Bengali - ONLY ENGLISH!!!

Non-Cliched Bengali Imagery

I am a Bengali and I think its high time people got out of the mishti doi-rosogolla-adda-Tagore imagery when talking about us...There is more to a Bengali than just that...

Did you know that Bengalis love decorating? No, I’m sure you didn’t...They have a penchant for beautifying their homes with doilies and cheap stuffed animals...If you don’t believe me, just watch a couple of episodes of Rojker Ginni on Etv Bangla...Some of them even go to the extent of covering their mirrors with lace sheets...The other very common decorating idea is having a sink right next to the dining table...Why make the effort of walking to the bathroom after a satiating meal of chingri maacher maalai kari and aaloo-posto when you can wash your hands right where you eat?

You can spot a saree-clad Bengali woman from a mile away...How? Because she always wears her saree six inches above her ankles. Despite her attire, she oozes confidence and is a go-getter...She is Maa Durga - Shakti.

Then there is the Bengali man...Like the Bengali woman, you can spot him from a distance...If you catch a glimpse of a not-so-tall man covering his mustachioed face with a monkey cap in twenty-degree weather, you know he is a Bhadrolok. Despite his moustache and intellect (some of it over estimated because he feels that since Tagore, Teresa and Sen received Nobels, he too has indirectly received them), he suffers from the ‘doormat syndrome’...He has grown up with a ‘Maa’ fixation and is totally under her thumb...Then when he gets married he is trodden on by his Maa Durga like wife in her six-inch above the ankle saree...Why is this so? Well, a Bengali man has no physically strong, sword wielding, domineering man as a role model...Can you think of any famous Bengali warriors? No, because there are non...In fact, Bengal doesn’t even have a warrior caste like the North Indians do... We are instead bhaktas of Maa Durga and Maa Kaali – women...

I can’t end this post without mentioning the Bengali wanderlust (yes, you read it right...It is WANDERLUST)…I’m sure all of you at some point of time have come across busloads/trainloads/planeloads of screeching Bengali men, women and children with suitcases/hold alls full of snacks and food shouting "Ei Shunchis…” and “Ei dekhli…” It’s a fact that Bengalis have a compulsive love for travel and adventure and go for at least one annual family holiday (mostly during Durga Puja)…They make up 60 percent of India’s domestic tourist traffic…

I hope I have given you enough new material to create a new imagery for Bengalis…All the best!!!